Compatibility on certain levels only goes so far. Past the easy components that can be flushed out right away (such as personal preferences, religious beliefs, the desire to have children, and more), there are components to compatibility that are subconscious or need to be peeled back like layers while getting to know each other.
HOW DO YOU GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE?
Have you ever heard of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Gary asserts that there are very specific ways that one acknowledges, receives, and gives love and the ways are very, very different from each other. We strongly recommend engaged couples to put a kettle on the stove for some tea, light some candles, and make a date night out of discovering your love languages. These love languages dictate how one argues, forgives, processes hurt, celebrates, loves, expresses anger, and so much more. By understanding the fundamentals of HOW someone interprets emotions can be revolutionary in the success of a marriage.
We’ve done it and it is truly enlightening!
HOW DO YOU DEFINE A SUCCESSFUL LIFE?
What does a “successful” or “happy” life look like to you? What about in one year? Five years? Fifty years? Have you asked this ambiguous question to your partner?
Success looks incredibly different to every single person. It is important to not just make five, ten, or fifty year goals, but rather it is imperative to talk about what your futuristic “end goal” would be. Hear us out: say both partners agree a goal of theirs is to own a home and have a baby. On surface levels, both partners are a great match, they both want roots (home ownership) and to start a family! However, what if one partner measured the success of that goal more by the location, size, and age of their home? And the other partner measured the success of that goal by the activities that their child was involved in during school? Neither is better than the other, but those two people are envisioning the success of that goal in fundamentally different ways.
We’re not saying that two individual people are required to have the exact same views on every single thing in life, where is the fun and variety in life in that scenario? We simply believe that couples must dig deeper to expose components of their upcoming marriage that potentially clash with each other and also to identify the components that they agree on. By having this knowledge, you are better equipped to ensure you keep that promise of choosing your partner every day, in every way, no matter what… forever.